I’m literally smiling as I type this, because I can’t suppress it.
That’s such an amazing feeling, to be smiling for sheer joy and for the inability to be able to squash it down. Despite the lazy fog clinging to every treetop outside my window, despite the insistent, weary drizzle that has been collecting on my windowsill since 9 o’ clock last night, I am ecstatic. Everything outside my room is quiet, reluctantly submitting to the contemplative plodding pace of autumn, but I feel more alive than I have in a year. Possibly two. I’ve been feeling like this a lot lately, and I’m not complaining. I’m sure the people around me aren’t either; while I am getting some quizzical stares, it’s much more pleasant to be in a room with a seemingly-off-her-rocker beaming girl than it is to have to suffer in the presence of someone who is disgusted with life.
I’ve certainly been the latter on many occasions, but not as of late, or even this summer. It has been a happy time. This week in particular holds many exciting events for me and, as a result, I’m beaming fit to chafe my cheeks on the outside of my braces.
Firstly, I’ve been asked to perform a poem of mine, “Sweet, sweet adolescence” (the title is sarcastic) at a parent orientation event at my school. All told, it’s not the hugest accomplishment, but it feels like it. I haven’t bothered with poetry much over the summer–it seems like my emotions are running higher during the school year and I can produce more thoughtful stuff–but hopefully this will start to ease me back into it. I’m pretty sure this will feel something like a warmup before a long run, reminding my “poetry muscles” what it feels like to start moving again, propelling me forward. My hope is that it will act as a springboard for the future insightful poetry I’ll churn out during this year (knock on wood). Very exciting.
And, of course, the day after my performance will be the day of The Haircut That Will Change Everything. Oh yes, I have grand plans for this haircut. Never before, except when it was growing for the first time, have I had hair shorter than my jaw. Chopping it all off, all of it, every single strand that’s been with me my entire life, promises to be liberating and empowering. It probably won’t seem as drastic to any of my friends as it will to me, but, trust me, this is all I’ve been thinking about for the past
week month summer. My personality has changed so much within the past six months or so that I need my hair to keep up with it. (That sounds ridiculous…does anyone know what I mean? It’s like my current hair is the hair of the “old me” and I am excited for new hair for “new me”…you still don’t get it, do you?) This Friday, at 5′ o clock, will mark my official transformation into The Girl In The Orange, someone who has been trying desperately to poke her head out for the past year; but I’ve been squashing her down. I send my deepest apologies to her, because it was such a stupid thing to do. Who cares if other people don’t like her? She’s spunky. She’s awesome. She’s fun, she’s excited, she’s optimistic, she’s amusing. She’s me. Of course people will like her. 😉 Hopefully she won’t have any hard feelings when I finally set her free this Friday.
So, friends, share in my joy and say sayonara to a rear view of a massive brown curtain of extremely thick hair. Because, unless you come see me perform, you won’t be seeing it any longah. 🙂
Here’s to a good week!