A poem I wrote, stumbling into my bed at midnight after the play’s cast party. It’s dark…did I even have to say that? But, like I said, that night was one of the best I’ve had in a long time; just because I wrote a dark poem does not mean I was in a dark mood! I’m not quite sure how this is possible, but most of the adults in my life are skeptical of this–I promise, I was VERY happy. In fact, I was HAPPIER after I wrote this! It’s like bile; I need to get these little (or big) things out of my system through poetry in order to feel like I should. In fact, here’s a shorter poem, a haiku, expressing this:
I spin my poems from
black thread; it keeps me smiling
at all other times.
Okay? 🙂 Okay. So, now that you don’t fear for my emotional welfare:
Allow me this. Please.
I am so, so tired
of trying to decide what’s a mask and what’s not
whether your smile conceals a thousand crooked years of weary agony,
and whether that’s something I can fix;
trying to figure out who I should be to them and who they are to me.
Why must so many people hide behind their makeup and their smiles?
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain…
How many anguished deaths occur every minute while I, naive to the things people lock away with their grins and hushed whispers,
We are all contained inside
of happiness now,
or at least
I think we are.
So allow me this.
Everyone’s smiling and laughing and singing and even if
the sobs are just being mistaken for giggles, let’s let ourselves be
swept up by this
free of suspicion,
not bound by skepticism or analysis, rationality
Please hug me and smile
Tell me you’re okay, but DO NOT LIE
I don’t think I could take it if you started speaking in those tongues they use
Allow me this moment, please.
I need to believe people contain some truth.
(This poem was also published on my Figment channel.)