Wanted: Odd Jobs, & Odds and Ends
Hey there. Death’s the name. (Yeah, people say I should change it all the time; make me more approachable. But the only other thing I could think of that kind of suit me was Lucifer, and as Lucifer people still avoided me.)
Anyway…I can take care of almost anything you need taken care of, but my real specialties are extermination, varmint control, weed control, controlled burnings, etc. And music lessons.
I’m good with kids. I know how to silence them when they’re crying. And no one who’s experienced my services reports back negatively.
I’ve included a picture on the back of this flyer because most people get the wrong idea of what I look like. Usually I get skeletal, white, draped in black flowy robes in desperate need of a wash–no nose. Then if I get too close people usually snap change their minds, saying I’m surely some big jolly old white guy perched on top of a cloud. I guess you could say my identity is fluid..? I hope you don’t have anything against the genderqueer. Like I said, I’m great with kids.
My fees are what I consider reasonable; years of work have worn me pretty thin, you know, and we all have to support ourselves. I understand that modern medicine has its benefits but it’s really thrust tough times on some non-deservings with its increasing prevalence.
I really appreciate you taking the time to read this flyer, and, if you’re interested? Just give me a call. You know where to find me.
Death had been standing right behind me, reading the flyer with me, over my shoulder.